Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Fear, the Crux of It

I promised myself I'd get through the Blog Every Day in May challenge, so here I am.... 35 minutes to my deadline.

Today was less than stellar. Work blows. My grandfather went into emergency surgery this afternoon. (He's in recovery now, thank God... still not completely out of the woods, but closer.)

I don't feel so inspired to answer the question of what I am most afraid of; I don't really feel like digging deep, or even digging witty and pithy.

So let's make this short and sweet. Or maybe, bitter.

I discovered I was afraid of heights on this day. One panic attack later, I semi-conquered my fear.

* * *

I'm afraid of dying.

I'm afraid of losing loved ones.

I'm afraid of not identifying my potential, or true calling.

I'm afraid of not fulfilling that potential. I'm afraid of underachieving.

I'm afraid of disappointing people in the process.

I'm afraid of not knowing how to measure success.

I'm afraid of repeating or recreating mistakes.

I'm afraid of divorce. 

I'm afraid of single parenthood.

I'm afraid of taking people for granted... and realizing it too late.

I'm afraid of making irreparable wrong decisions.

* * *

Alright, now that I'm sufficiently depressed, its time for bed. Haha, jk, jk.

Maybe it's because my day was awful and I'm feeling really blasé, but I'm kind of okay with these fears. Maybe it's because I'm already acquainted with loss and disappointment.

Life is, by nature, scary. And you deal. And as much as any of these major things out of my control would suck.... they're out of my control. So no point in living in fear. You take things as they come.

As for the fears that are within my control. Whelp, that's what introspection and growth are all about... and blogging my feelings ;)

Nightskis, friends.

This post was written as part of the Blog Every Day in May Challenge (2013).

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