Friday, May 24, 2013

My Three Worst Traits

Diving right into Day 24 for Blog Every Day in May (... which I clearly haven't, whoops). But I'm hoping for a resurgence this last week! Work is slowing down, just slightly. Don't want to jinx anything, but I am hesitantly crawling out of the pit of work despair. 

We shall see. Insh'allah.

Right now THIS weekend is upon us (though I do have work tomorrow) and I am starting to plan for a weekend away with my lovahhh in less than 7 days.  Can't wait to escape and unwind and unplug. And before that happens I am getting all my admin stuff DONE. Next Friday will be a glorious day. Again, Insh'allah.

^^ A building under construction protected with colorful plastic prayer mats. Love the unintentional mosaic, spotted while driving around this week for work.
Until then, back to the challenge. My top three worst traits.

1. I procrastinate. A lot.

I guess this is fairly common, but I would be willing to bet my procrastination veers towards the abnormal and unhealthy, particularly because it comes out most when I am overwhelmed. I procrastinate... I avoid... and the stress mounts. This vicious cycle continues until some absolutely unavoidable deadline or consequence forces me to get my shit together and PRODUCE. And then I'm super efficient and productive. 

And I'm left to wonder, bleary eyed and exhausted, "Why did I ever allow myself to get so stressed, so behind?!?"

The same thing happens every. single. time. and I have yet to learn.

P.S. When the task in question is something I'm passionate about, I don't procrastinate. In fact, I work really well under pressure (by necessity!) and this does pay off, sometimes. Hence why I really need a job that I love. Working on it.

2. Sometimes, I'm not as happy for people as I should be. *Cringe*

I feel like that automatically makes me a biatch. Well, let me just say, it really depends. Most of the time, I am beside myself elated at the success and happiness of my loved ones. This often includes high voices, screaming, and jumping up and down.

But on a few occasions, I have been known to let other factors get in the way of being purely happy for a loved one. It might be due to envy at their success {gulp, hard to admit} or because I've been feeling dejected or slighted by said friend. Who knows. I am always disappointed in myself when I recognize this reaction in me. Very much working on it.

3. I'm hesitant to speak up, particularly in groups or high-pressure situations. 

I don't like making a fool of myself (who does?), but I allow this to stop me from taking important risks and speaking my mind when it matters! For example, I very rarely participated in class throughout high school and college. I would spend the entire class formulating a comment in my head, and either wait so long someone else said it or decide it didn't sound smart enough.

How silly of me! I know, in theory, that this is silly behavior... 

And yet, I still struggle with it, especially in intimidating work environments. I am painfully self-aware which only exacerbates the problem as I imagine 3498448 justifications to hold back as I picture myself appearing... dumb.

Ugh, I exhaust myself with these pointless insecurities when it comes to public speaking!

* * *

And now for C.'s perspective on my 3 worst traits. Yes, I asked for it, haha. 

1. My tendency to correct him in English or translate for him when he already understands... Supposedly ;) Point taken. Sounds obnoxious.

2. My need to share important/scandalous/interesting updates with a multitude of people... or anyone who will listen!!! Sometimes before him. For example, telling my bff about something ridic my boss said on gchat before I turn to tell him in real life.

Its true, I'm a sharer. Its also called being a girl, and sharing with like-minded girls ;)

3. I'm lazy. Or as I like to call it, low-energy. I've talked about this on here before, but I can easily fall into the "Netflix trap." Ie. Once I'm comfortable and cozy, there's little hope for outside activity. But thrown into a physical task, or something out of my comfort zone for whatever reason, I'm fine! I enjoy it! C. is very active and high energy so I can see why this frustrates him... I like that we're different in this respect because he pushes me to do more than I might otherwise.

But, this is definitely a point well taken.

At this point, pretty much all hope is lost. Especially with a snuggly puppy in tow. Just being honest!

Alright, enough self-abuse for tonight... I am off to bed :) Happy weekend, friends!

This post was written as part of the Blog Every Day in May Challenge (2013).

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